Our Weaning Story
Nothing lasts forever—I mean it. Even if it feels like it will.
One moment, we were nursing to sleep for every sleep… the next… we weren't. Everyone warned me about how if we didn't break this “bad habit” we would be nursing forever… but it simply is not true. Those moments were fleeting, as arduous as they may have felt at a certain moment in time.
After loads of requests, I decided to finally share our weaning story with you today:
THREE YEARS, TWO MONTHS, & ELEVEN DAYS. That was the duration of our breastfeeding experience. I never would have expected that we would make it that long, given the atrocious start we had: damaged nipples, poor weight gain, nursing incessantly, sobbing uncontrollably (me)… I think you get the point.
Once we were able to FINALLY get the latch right (thanks to a frenotomy), it was smooth sailing for a while. Well, until we introduced solids (this will need to be a whole separate post!)… the feeding anxiety was high for me. Little did I know at the time, this was the first step towards weaning… although, I would not have guessed it with how often he still nursed! However, shortly thereafter, my cycle returned—which is very common to see when our littles are weaning from the breast.
I generally followed a child-led approach to weaning until about 16 months. I began Don’t Offer, Don’t Refuse around this time, & focused on replacing with nutrient-rich snacks (protein, carbs, fat, zinc, vitamin C) & continued vitamin D drops. Since I was working full time from home & ALSO a stay-at-home mom (ahh… COVID babies!), I decided to begin integrating a parent-led approach—Loving Limits—when he would tug on my leg to nurse during work meetings. The overstimulation was too much for me to continue on the path we had been taking. Loving Limits became easier with time, & we would only nurse during the day for nap(s).
We carried on this way for quite some time… about a year! My mantra in the extended breastfeeding space is “go with the flow if the flow works for you” & it was working just fine for us! In time, his one nap dropped entirely, & we were only nursing at night.
As you can tell, my little one hung on to nursing whenever he could get it. So, I knew with my child that I would have to intervene to reduce the number of night feeds if I was hoping to night wean (we bedshared). I began shushing, hugging, & patting whenever he'd wake while also nursing. This made removing some early evening feeds simple during wakes because the sleep pressure was high enough that he was comforted easily without milk. We then reduced feeds to bedtime, overnight once (maybe) & early in the morning (super Slow, Solo Night Weaning).
After 8 months of this, I was done with the morning feeds. So I started to put some boundaries—this looked like wearing an inaccessible top to bed after bedtime nursing. I was met with some BIG emotions, as they were his "gup gups!" (possessiveness) & he needed to let me know he was upset by it. Knowing this is normal attachment-seeking behavior, I acknowledged what he was saying & stayed with him as he let out his frustration. I focused extra on 1:1 connection time during the day before & afterwards.
In 3 days, this actually slowed my milk production significantly to the point I felt uncomfortable nursing. A lack of milk removal overnight reduced prolactin enough to accidentally trigger complete weaning. He was devastated. I was devastated. I could not believe that we had made it so far only to end in a way that was not exactly as we had envisioned. It took me a bit to think straight. I am a CLC after all—I should have seen this coming! But, alas, I wasn't using my thinking brain when the emotions were running wild.
At this point, I had to figure out what to do to reduce the blow it would be to my child's whole world: we had ALWAYS nursed to sleep. Knowing my child—who is a bit on the sensitive side—he was not going to take this lightly.
So, I talked to my son about what happened to the milk & we both processed it together. We read books. We talked. We planned out what we would do at bedtime instead. We discussed how we would manage his big feelings (because OH, the feelings were THE BIGGEST). We decided we would have one last night feed although hardly any milk was left. I spoke with my husband to let him know what I would need to get through it, too. And… we got through it.
We had about two or three nights of extreme sadness at bedtime as we came up with a new routine of telling stories at bedtime. Periodically, he would mention that he missed milk & would cry—I would remind him that it is okay to miss having milkies & that we still do loads over other special things together every day. It definitely didn't end as I had hoped, but we both got through it nonetheless.
But hell, we did it. We did what worked for us for as long as we needed. We weathered the unsettling comments as he aged: “you're STILL nursing?!” or “he'll be asking for milks until he goes off to college at this rate!” We allowed for breastfeeding to become an integral part of our relationship; & yet, we still found a way to evolve when it was no longer working for us. Together.
Reflecting on my own experience made me realize that we get an abundance of messaging around the initiation of breastfeeding, but when it comes to stopping… we are often left high & dry. The guidance available is pretty scant, & often omits entirely the emotional components of weaning. I decided to change that.
If you are looking for evidence-informed information with you & your child's well-being in mind for your weaning experience, be sure to check out our best-selling Caregivers' Guide to Weaning here. If you think you’d like more help, be sure to schedule one-to-one support with me!
There are so many ways to navigate weaning—there is no one correct way to do it. Sending you love if you are in this phase of your parenting journey. You all will get through it… just like we did!
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
